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What I Read - December 2023
Dec. 26th, 2023 10:40 pmBooks I finished and what I'm reading at the end of 2023.
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Dec. 26th, 2023 10:30 pmI have one more scheduled event for the end of the year. I'm really looking forward to finishing that, then moving onto January 2024 in my calendar and leaving 2023 behind me.
It's strange because this year has been really great in a lot of ways. But despite that, there is this feeling I have that this year has been a "get through it" year, and for the better part of the last 6 months, it's taken all of my will to just...do that. I feel like "things will get better" in the coming year, but...am I just setting myself up for failure even thinking that? I wish I could move on to the new year with no expectations, but I can't help but feel optimistic. (My therapist described me as a positive and hopeful person, characteristics I have never before associated with myself, and that feel...I dunno. Not right).
I am doing my damndest right now to do as little as possible during my winter break. As much as I want to pretend that I'm going to do any of the work I brought home with me, I think I need to prioritize rest when I can get it. At least for now, possibly forever.
It's strange because this year has been really great in a lot of ways. But despite that, there is this feeling I have that this year has been a "get through it" year, and for the better part of the last 6 months, it's taken all of my will to just...do that. I feel like "things will get better" in the coming year, but...am I just setting myself up for failure even thinking that? I wish I could move on to the new year with no expectations, but I can't help but feel optimistic. (My therapist described me as a positive and hopeful person, characteristics I have never before associated with myself, and that feel...I dunno. Not right).
I am doing my damndest right now to do as little as possible during my winter break. As much as I want to pretend that I'm going to do any of the work I brought home with me, I think I need to prioritize rest when I can get it. At least for now, possibly forever.
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Dec. 14th, 2023 08:11 amI took a personal day today! I decided since grades needed to be posted on Wednesday, and Friday is a big deadline day for my students, taking Thursday off would make the most sense. I'm trying hard not to open up my email or even look at anything work-related today, with the exception of doing some very easy grading to get it out of the way for trimester 2. I'd also like to do some laundry I've let pile up, but we'll see. My therapist has immediately called me out on my burn-out-inducing bullshit; I'm very bad at *actually* taking breaks. She doesn't want me to do anything but rest today, but to be honest, I don't know how. I will play some video games, tho. Maybe that will count.
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Dec. 10th, 2023 03:48 pm
A. bought us tickets to see The Boy and the Heron (君たちはどう生きるか) when it came out on Saturday! The theater was mostly empty, and some people came in late, but nobody talked or made a lot of noise. It's a very quiet film, especially in the beginning; there were long stretches of no dialogue and very little music. The animation was stunning--this was the first time I'd seen a Ghibli film in theaters since Spirited Away came out when I was a kid, and I was just blown away by the tiny details. In terms of the story, I don't know that it will be a film I want to rewatch often because of how somber and quiet the first half is. But I will be getting a DVD of it when it becomes available.After the movie, we had a mini-date at the mall. We got sushi at our go-to spot, popped into FYE, and checked a few shoe stores. A. wanted to get me a Christmas present, and I was resistant (he didn't have to get me anything). I relented in letting him buy me a little blind-box Tokidoki keychain which is now on my bag (I got the character I wanted!). A. didn't find any shoes that he wanted, so we came home and had a chill night.
This morning, we got groceries; I helped Rosie put up her "winter" curtains in her kitchen and made some dal with parsnip and turnip for the next few dinners. I'm procrastinating on grading, but I need to work on that before tomorrow--report cards go out Wednesday, so I need to get my grades in.
Thanksgiving '23
Nov. 24th, 2023 08:06 pmFinally got ahold of a therapist, just in time for the holidays! I joke, but Thanksgiving wasn't especially difficult this year. Our family has thinned out A LOT over the past few years, and many people were sick this year, so it was strictly my most immediate family. A small dinner means less to cook, which alleviates the stress somewhat.
I only made two pies and a big pot of garlic mashed potatoes this year. The pie is non-negotiable--it's my grandmother's favorite dish that I make, and she will not let me rest if I even imply I'll be making something else. I've been making this pie recipe for...7 or 8 years now? Something like that. This year, I broke it into steps and sort of assembly-lined it. On Sunday, I peeled, cut, and boiled all my sweet potatoes, drained them, and stored them in the fridge. On Tuesday night, I made two batches of pie crust (which always makes too much--next year, I might try either a different recipe or maybe reducing the double batch to something like 1.5 batches for two pies...math is not my strong suit. ANYWAY) and attempted to wrap them in this biodegradable plastic wrap my mom gifted me last year, but the plastic wrap just shredded itself when I applied even the lightest pressure to it. Instead, I just chucked the balls of dough into storage containers. They were fine. I started getting the filling together Wednesday after work and baked off the pies. This is the second year in a row that my canned coconut milk hasn't separated completely in the fridge, which is a huge bummer. I will be trying it in the freezer next year.
Garlic mashed potatoes are straightforward. I roast a couple of heads of garlic in the oven for about 40 minutes, let them cool, then squeeze them into a bowl to smash into a paste with a fork. I boiled as many russet potatoes as I could fit in my dutch oven, drained them, and mashed them with garlic, vegan butter, sour cream, and almond milk. (And salt and pepper). I think my dad and I were the only ones who really ate them at dinner, but I don't care; I love having mashed potatoes for leftovers.
Usually, spending time with my family is more stressful than cooking, but everyone was well-behaved this year. And no one made A feel awkward spending Thanksgiving with the family, so gold stars all around.
I only made two pies and a big pot of garlic mashed potatoes this year. The pie is non-negotiable--it's my grandmother's favorite dish that I make, and she will not let me rest if I even imply I'll be making something else. I've been making this pie recipe for...7 or 8 years now? Something like that. This year, I broke it into steps and sort of assembly-lined it. On Sunday, I peeled, cut, and boiled all my sweet potatoes, drained them, and stored them in the fridge. On Tuesday night, I made two batches of pie crust (which always makes too much--next year, I might try either a different recipe or maybe reducing the double batch to something like 1.5 batches for two pies...math is not my strong suit. ANYWAY) and attempted to wrap them in this biodegradable plastic wrap my mom gifted me last year, but the plastic wrap just shredded itself when I applied even the lightest pressure to it. Instead, I just chucked the balls of dough into storage containers. They were fine. I started getting the filling together Wednesday after work and baked off the pies. This is the second year in a row that my canned coconut milk hasn't separated completely in the fridge, which is a huge bummer. I will be trying it in the freezer next year.
Garlic mashed potatoes are straightforward. I roast a couple of heads of garlic in the oven for about 40 minutes, let them cool, then squeeze them into a bowl to smash into a paste with a fork. I boiled as many russet potatoes as I could fit in my dutch oven, drained them, and mashed them with garlic, vegan butter, sour cream, and almond milk. (And salt and pepper). I think my dad and I were the only ones who really ate them at dinner, but I don't care; I love having mashed potatoes for leftovers.
Usually, spending time with my family is more stressful than cooking, but everyone was well-behaved this year. And no one made A feel awkward spending Thanksgiving with the family, so gold stars all around.
Things have not been going so well. I've been quite down for some time now, and a growing pile of issues has made it hard for me to feel better for any length of time. But! I am nothing if not persistent, and I will do what I can to make myself feel better, dammit.
Yesterday, I spent 4 hours driving a relative to and from an appointment and some errands, and the entire time, they continuously berated me about my living situation, my partner, and the state of my car. I came home feeling sorry for myself and exhausted. As I made dinner, I decided to clean out and organize the refrigerator, which definitely gave me a boost at the end of the day.
I spent most of today (I'm on vacation from work atm) vegging out and feeling sad again. While watching YouTube I came across a video where a girl mentioned "junebugging" her bedroom, and it motivated me to get off the couch and do some cleaning.
The basic premise of junebugging is you pick one particular spot to clean, and then you get started cleaning. As you go, if you find yourself wandering away, you bring yourself back to that spot. I decided to clean the top of my dresser because I've been talking about taking the humidifier out of storage for weeks now and the dresser is the only place it will fit.
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Yesterday, I spent 4 hours driving a relative to and from an appointment and some errands, and the entire time, they continuously berated me about my living situation, my partner, and the state of my car. I came home feeling sorry for myself and exhausted. As I made dinner, I decided to clean out and organize the refrigerator, which definitely gave me a boost at the end of the day.
I spent most of today (I'm on vacation from work atm) vegging out and feeling sad again. While watching YouTube I came across a video where a girl mentioned "junebugging" her bedroom, and it motivated me to get off the couch and do some cleaning.
The basic premise of junebugging is you pick one particular spot to clean, and then you get started cleaning. As you go, if you find yourself wandering away, you bring yourself back to that spot. I decided to clean the top of my dresser because I've been talking about taking the humidifier out of storage for weeks now and the dresser is the only place it will fit.
( Read more... )
What I Read - July 2023
Aug. 3rd, 2023 02:27 pmManaged to finish 2 nonfiction books and get halfway through a 3rd. A few notes on them in the cut.
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Jul. 23rd, 2023 03:10 pmA little update on the past week:
-Despite a very low-energy week, I had a boost of motivation to dig into those boxes of things I put aside to sell or donate when I moved. Wound up going through everything, reclaiming a few garments I was going to get rid of (but are cute and fit me??), and packing up everything I'm taking to Goodwill. Now I have just one tote of sellable items, and I'm getting ready to rip off the Depop bandaid and get to work. I also cleaned out my closet, reorganized, and consolidated everything else into one dresser so I can throw out the other one, which is broken.
-Friday, A and I went a few towns over to go axe-throwing. A used to be in an axe-throwing league back in PA and was missing it. I've only done it once before, but I really enjoyed it so I was down to try it again. Unfortunately, we weren't really into the location we went to. Everything seemed just a little janky--the lanes were too short, I kept bumping into a cabinet behind me that I couldn't move, and A actually broke one of his axes! We're going to try a place that's part of a different franchise next time. But it was fun! A got his groove back (and was showing off left and right), and I feel like I'm getting the hang of things.
-Yesterday we saw Oppenheimer. A is a big Nolan fan, so he had been wanting to see it, and I was just amused by the "Barbieheimer" memes so I thought, what the hell, let's see both. I'm really glad I saw it. I really enjoyed the visual aspect of it--it definitely warrants a theater viewing. It's long, which I kind of anticipated, but was still surprised when I didn't get out of the theater until 3 hours later. I could dork out about the acting and costume and set design, but I'll rein myself in.
-Despite a very low-energy week, I had a boost of motivation to dig into those boxes of things I put aside to sell or donate when I moved. Wound up going through everything, reclaiming a few garments I was going to get rid of (but are cute and fit me??), and packing up everything I'm taking to Goodwill. Now I have just one tote of sellable items, and I'm getting ready to rip off the Depop bandaid and get to work. I also cleaned out my closet, reorganized, and consolidated everything else into one dresser so I can throw out the other one, which is broken.
-Friday, A and I went a few towns over to go axe-throwing. A used to be in an axe-throwing league back in PA and was missing it. I've only done it once before, but I really enjoyed it so I was down to try it again. Unfortunately, we weren't really into the location we went to. Everything seemed just a little janky--the lanes were too short, I kept bumping into a cabinet behind me that I couldn't move, and A actually broke one of his axes! We're going to try a place that's part of a different franchise next time. But it was fun! A got his groove back (and was showing off left and right), and I feel like I'm getting the hang of things.
-Yesterday we saw Oppenheimer. A is a big Nolan fan, so he had been wanting to see it, and I was just amused by the "Barbieheimer" memes so I thought, what the hell, let's see both. I'm really glad I saw it. I really enjoyed the visual aspect of it--it definitely warrants a theater viewing. It's long, which I kind of anticipated, but was still surprised when I didn't get out of the theater until 3 hours later. I could dork out about the acting and costume and set design, but I'll rein myself in.
(no subject)
Jul. 14th, 2023 03:41 pmCaught myself bored and scrolling, decided to put my phone down and write instead.
It was a weird week; one that wasn't uneventful, strictly speaking, but still feels like it's dragging ass. My (maybe?) last two days of curriculum revision work took up most of Monday and Tuesday. My colleague and I were able to complete all of the items she had given us at the start and seemed pleased with everything we showed her or told her about. (Although it's worth noting she was feeling under the weather--I wonder what she'll think of our work when she's feeling better).
( CW: dieting and exercise )
It was a weird week; one that wasn't uneventful, strictly speaking, but still feels like it's dragging ass. My (maybe?) last two days of curriculum revision work took up most of Monday and Tuesday. My colleague and I were able to complete all of the items she had given us at the start and seemed pleased with everything we showed her or told her about. (Although it's worth noting she was feeling under the weather--I wonder what she'll think of our work when she's feeling better).
( CW: dieting and exercise )
In August, I will have lived in this apartment for a year, and I'm only just starting to make it feel like it is actually mine. Although I unpacked everything pretty much immediately and got everything where it belonged within a few days of moving in, there are still things that I put down in August 2022 that I still haven't opened or moved in the intervening months. (I should probably cut myself just a little slack because I've been teaching full-time for 10 of those 12 months, but whatevs). I still haven't generated enough executive function (or energy, or whatever) to tackle the boxes, but I have brought a small stack of artwork and posters from the house over and will be trying to find some inexpensive frames and 3M hooks to put them up in the next few weeks. Another small thing I've decided to do is dye some towels I bought when I moved in because they looked dingy and sad.
I've been having entirely too much fun dying these damn towels. I saw a video on Tumblr providing an in-depth tutorial on dying synthetic fabric with Rit dye and I became mildly obsessed. I was initially planning on just buying new towels to replace the dingy ones, but I always feel guilty about buying new things when I already have a functional version of that thing. The towels are ugly, but they still dry things; they're still perfect for my purposes. I couldn't justify buying more. But I could justify altering them. So I wandered over to the Rit website and found a formula for a really pretty pinkish-purple color, and broke out some unused gift cards to procure what I'd need. After nabbing a big, cheap pot, the dye, and some detergent for dyed fabric, I enthusiastically took my first stab at it.
It feels a little silly being this excited about dying towels. But I guess it's more the fact that I'm just trying a thing I'd have been too nervous to do before (processes involving chemicals, heat, and time have not always ended well for me in the past), I found myself able to make a change to my environment for the better, even if in a tiny, mundane way. I can't help but feel like if the things you do and use every day are irritating, you're going to be irritable. Likewise, if you can make those things more enjoyable, maybe you'll spend more time in your day in a good mood. That's what I'm attempting to do, at least. And doing it cheaply is even better.
I've been having entirely too much fun dying these damn towels. I saw a video on Tumblr providing an in-depth tutorial on dying synthetic fabric with Rit dye and I became mildly obsessed. I was initially planning on just buying new towels to replace the dingy ones, but I always feel guilty about buying new things when I already have a functional version of that thing. The towels are ugly, but they still dry things; they're still perfect for my purposes. I couldn't justify buying more. But I could justify altering them. So I wandered over to the Rit website and found a formula for a really pretty pinkish-purple color, and broke out some unused gift cards to procure what I'd need. After nabbing a big, cheap pot, the dye, and some detergent for dyed fabric, I enthusiastically took my first stab at it.
It feels a little silly being this excited about dying towels. But I guess it's more the fact that I'm just trying a thing I'd have been too nervous to do before (processes involving chemicals, heat, and time have not always ended well for me in the past), I found myself able to make a change to my environment for the better, even if in a tiny, mundane way. I can't help but feel like if the things you do and use every day are irritating, you're going to be irritable. Likewise, if you can make those things more enjoyable, maybe you'll spend more time in your day in a good mood. That's what I'm attempting to do, at least. And doing it cheaply is even better.
